[This topic was first brought up on the forum of Xtube's : CMNM Group by bostonguy22. He also posted the same question - see the first two paragraphs (under a different id) on the CMNM Forum]
Is there any way to go about setting up a CMNM (or, for that matter, just plain
NM) scenario with guys you know--without freaking them out? I know a guy or two I might like to have such a scenario with (maybe with some touching or contact but not necessarily any sex), but I don't know how to actually go about approaching the issue in such a way that I don't inadvertently transgress any of their personal boundaries and/or make them uncomfortable.
Like, my roommate, for example. I'd like to be naked around him or with him, but I can't very well say "Hey, dude, can we hang out naked sometime?" That might really weird him out. But, if there were the potential for him to be open to it, it would be something I'd want to do. But, I don't know how to approach the issue at all. I don't how to approach it in a way that I could find out if he'd be open to it without simultaneously risking offending him or making him uncomfortable. Any thoughts?
By the way, nUdity / cLOthed situations don't have to happen with ONLY people you know -- there are many other kinds of situations so instead of beating a dead horse (lol).. perhaps you need to take up another tactic or seek a new kind of CNMN activity with a set of guys who are more amenable. However, there is a special nature to being naked/clothed with someone who you know, like and can get along with - after all that's one definition of a friend. I realize too that for some people, they 'need' that special bonding with someone, and the CMNM experience may not have much meaning or much excitement if the person is a total stranger. Yet, some guys can only be excited if the person is an unknown stranger. Even luckier when you get to have both. Nonetheless, you've got your objective in mind ... so how do you go about getting to that place where you're both comfortable or at least accepting (i.e. not outraged or embarrassed) by one of you being naked in front of the other?
Tactics for setting the right environment for CMNM and for setting up the sitution with a roommate:
If you going to be living with this roommate a while, there are some ways I can suggest that you can try to set-up CMNM. More than likely you'll just be to getting him and - more likely - yourself) to being nude at certain times when you're together at home. These initial times should be when you are both at ease and relaxed, and then these opportunities can later start get more frequent and perhaps more daring.
Try to come up with natural, unforced occasions when you can get naked in his presence or at least allow him to see you nude. Changing for bed or getting into the shower. In some case, there may be things you can do outside of the apartment/house where nudity would be expected - such as changing at the pool or in a locker room - so that you've seen in other naked where it is expected and inconsequential.
For things to move beyond just such occasional glimpes, you may have to 'set up' some of these
- Such a 'set-up' might be forgetting something like a towel or wash cloth when you're in the shower, or running out of soap or shampoo and having to come out to get some (or one that you just bought but 'forget' to bring with you.
- Use your cellphone to ring (set up the alarm to ring) while you're in the tube and you rush out of the bathroom naked "not knowing he was there" story to grab your phone.
Let him catch you naked a few times innocently.
If you are now walking through the house/apartment nude, then it might seem strange to just start doing so.
So you first have to get him used to seeing you in various states of undress.
Start by coming out with no shirt or lounging around only in your boxes or athletic shorts. Later try to set up more 'naked' situations where he catches you naturally for longer than just a quick glimpse and with more visible exposure of your body and genitals. Be sure to intersperse brief innocent exposures with the longer ones - you don't want to raise anxiety by him beginning to think you are targeting him. Also, it would work best if he's also the naked one at times.
This might be his knocking on your bedroom door (to get something you borrowed or that you share - cordless phone, vacuum cleaner, etc) and then him seeing you naked when you casually answer (call him in ) or even open the door. If you have separate bedrooms and you're nude doing something like trying to untie some knotted shoelaces (and you may have the stereo/TV on) or headphones on (so you can't him knock), it appears totally nature and casual for you both.
Talking about sexuality and the male body
It may be helpful - not only for your friendship with your roommates - but also as a way to get everyone in the the living environment used to commenting on (or even discussions) of the human body (male and female), being male, and acknowledgement of sexual urges and needs. You don't have to describe in exquisite details your own sexual exploits all at once, but at least , you should be able to talk about the basic nature of human sexual needs. The topic surely comes up - -if not from you, then through the media.
References to sexual things often come up in movies and TV sitcoms, even news events, and from other friends, so you or your roommate can offer your own comments, opinions or experiences. "Boy, do I know what he's talking about there." It helps to make the other person feel comfortable knowing that you're willing to express yourself on sexual topics.
This assumes that you're already watching TV or videos together. If you're not even spending that much time together or conversing, it's not going to be so easy to share a nude/clothed lifestyle together.
Other ideas:
2) If he's too uptight, he'll keep looking away or even ask you to dress in your own room. They will give you clues about how to proceed.
3) If this avoidance behavior persists, especially if he mentions it or draws some attention to it (like leaving the room), you could confront him about his being too uptight or too restrictive on your own personal freedom. 4) If he jokes about it, then you could also joke back with him.. 'Try it out, you might like it'. Just be upfront (and clever).. " seeing me naked doesn't bother you, does it?" How would he answer that but say 'No, not at all."
5) Start a new activity that involves him and you -- and the possibility of nudity - swimming for fitness, gym, fitness club, yoga, weekend sports, jogging, weekend trips or day time outing to the lake, beach, etc.
6) Always sleep in the nude so it won't be strange for you to be naked in and around your bedroom, also when you and he get to do some overnight trips or camping, etc.
7) Get a friend (or a bunch of them) who are nudists (or who like being naked or doing naked stuff) and whom you visit or go out with - taking your roommate along. These friends can invite you and your roomie to get naked. Whether he's gay or straight or maybe better when he's with a woman around, the 'pressure' of your friend's request might help him to break down the barriers so he'll actually get nude too. At least, you can accept your nudist friend's invitation - so you'll be naked in front of your roomie.8) Have a party! Alcohol seems to be a great excuse for getting rid of clothes and inhibitions. Costume or themes parties can make it easier since invitees are already out of their regular attire anyway. Or plan special party games that require the removal of clothes - sometimes a necessity if things get wet.
Below are some additional suggestions offered by other members of the CMNM Forum:
NakedDevil on Sun Nov 23, 2008 7:25 am
Well, with a roommate situation, it can be pretty easy. Just walk from the shower to your room naked. Or, even though you know your roommate is coming home, pretend you didn't and while your naked say something like, "oh sorry, was doing laundry and didn;t know you were coming home." Then gauge his reaction. But with others you know, it might be harder to set up an "innocent" situation. If you're looking to arrange something with strangers, craigslist.org is a good place to post. ----------
- grubernowski on Mon Dec 01, 2008 7:38 pm
Here's one approach I've used with a new roommate. First, tell them I like to sleep naked. Second, go to the fridge for a drink (or something else you take at bedtime). Go to the fridge naked while he's watching TV or doing some other passive activity--and say something along the way to him, like "Is that movie worth seeing?". After that you'll have some more opportunities to be naked in various situations and (in my experience) he'll eventually follow suit. Whether it leads to sex is more a matter of agreement between the two of you, though a compliment on his "equipment" might foster some action. by Grubernowski - ----------
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